Friday, February 15, 2008
15 february 2008
friday.
so many things to say.
hyas.
14 february was a bitter sweet day?
maybe more of bitter then sweet.
thanks to everyone for the gifts,sweets and chocs given to me. really appreciate it.
thank you too. for the im-sure-its-very-expensive gifts.
although you tell me to not worry but if you know me you will know that i will worry.
and i am scared.
scared of you losing out during lessons.
scared that you will fall into the wrong side..
i just want to say that the thngs i told you, i had picked a wrong day and wrong time to tell it to you.
please forgive me for this wrong thinking.
i also want to say that telling you those things may hurt you
but to me it has already hurt me twice as much.
its just like backstabbing.
i take the knife and stab you in the back.
you will definitely feel pain.
but this time the pain i felt is twice or more than the pain you felt.
i did what i did because i was thinking from your point of view.
it was for the better.
to tell you earlier and not give you false hope is better then giving you hope then telling you.
to me i feel that both ways will hurt no matter what but the latter is far worse than the first one.
have you ever thought why i always did'nt want you to send me home?
because i was so afraid that once i got used to you sending me back and when i have to break the news to you and we will just become total strangers again i wun get used to walking home alone.
this is just my thinking.
i wanted to be independent. because relying too much on someone or something is never good.
all this i took into consideration before i decided to do what i did.
i really just want you to know that i appreciate the gestures and gifts and all of them are precious.
because i know that these gifts were once given to me by a very good friend.
i just hope that you will complete this year and end it off with effort.
a few weeks may be too long to get back on track because common tests are coming up.
hope you cang et yourself together before its too late because its hard for me too.
with the tiniest bit of sincerity and maybe a speck of love,
not-so-simple me :/
feel the beat. [10:32 PM]
